Blog Siege

If you haven’t noticed, I have been quite uneasy around you the past few days. It just that I somehow can’t come to terms with how I feel about you. I know I should stop pestering you, I can’t. I have to see this through. I want to hear from you yourself that you don’t want me around anymore. I will stick around, I will not go away until you say otherwise. But still I know where to draw the line. Even though you are involved in a kind of relationship that I myself do not agree of, I respect your happiness, even though there are some people urging me to go on nonetheless. But waiting is a pain in the ass, wondering if the waiting is worth it is another stake in the ass, and not having you by my side, and seeing how naturally friendly you are with people, making me jealous to be honest, takes a sledgehammer and drives the stakes straight to my chest.

Ok, that was exaggerated, but still, you have no idea how much I want to go all out and court you right now, but circumstances tell me to wait. I figured that finesse is what is needed in this kind of situation. What I learned is finesse is a bitch. Waiting is a bitch. But it is something that I will have to go through if I am to successfully win your heart, if by any chance I can.

Why you? Of all the girls in DLSU, why does it have to be you??? Damn it, why does it have to be someone who has.. ‘complications’? Damn it, just damn it.

When I first told myself that I indeed liked you at G204, I immediately knew away that there were going to be ‘complications’. I did some background research, and when I first laid eyes on your Friendster account, I knew I was in trouble.

When I first confessed on those stairs, you immediately dismissed the notion that I loved you, stating that we didn’t know each other that well and that we only knew each other for quite some time. Now I’m sure as hell. I do love you. Never been surer in my entire life.

For rocketeers, n00b cannoneers, and smoke belchers everywhere.
To the tune of DI NA NATUTO of the APO Hiking Society

I present to you:

THE TAMBUTSO SONG

Anjan ka nanaman
Tinutukso-tukso ang aking gatilyo
Ilang ulit na bang, iniiwasan ang aking tambutso

Sulayap ng ‘yong ulo
Aking nadarama kahit malayo
Nahihirapan na, lalapit-lapit pa, ‘di na natuto

Isang galaw mo lang
Ako’y napapaano
Kainin mong minsan
At muling lilipad sa’yo
At walang kalaban-laban
Ang tambutso ko’y tanging iyo lamang

O heto nanaman
Laging nananabik ang aking tambutso
Muling bumabalik, sa iyong mga halik, ‘di na natuto

Isang pakita lang
At ako’y napapaano
Kainin mong minsan
At muling lilipad sa’yo
At walang kalaban-laban
At tambutso ko’y tanging iyo lamang (kahit apat ang aking bala lamang)
Ang tambutso ko’y tanging iyo lamang

Di na natuto
(Bumabalik, ba’t ang kulit?)
Di na natuto
(Anjan ka nanaman, tinutukso-tukso, dagdag sa score ko)
Di na natuto
(O heto nanaman, o heto nanaman, di ka na natuto)
Di na natuto…

Again, I am at a loss for words. But this is not about bliss. The opposite actually. Life has it ways of pissing me off big-time. I know I’m unlucky when it comes to girls, but this one takes the cake.

This may seem all too confusing
How I could walk away from something so rare
But you see it all got too demanding, yeah
And I just didn’t care, I just didn’t care, if I cared, if I cared

I thought that you were special. I thought that in all honesty there was something special in the way you felt about me. I thought I was a fool not to have acted upon in it immediately, in fear of losing a chance to finally be complete, in fear of losing you. But deep inside, there was a greater fear, no, a gut feeling, that this was all too good to be true. I couldn’t shake it off throughout the course of these past months. And they were justified when I learned from trusted sources that there was a great travesty. I heard that you’re already… committed to someone else. I don’t know if they only say this to get me off your back, but whether this is true or not, and for this entry I will be assuming this is true, I am disgusted with what I found out. But for some reason, I wasn’t the least bit surprised. Still, it was no painkiller. My smile could only mask what I was feeling inside.

Lately, I’ve been left wanting, but not wanting you
Attraction that once was is no longer there, ooh
And it sucks to be taken for granted
When the veil is drawn and there’s only air

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who take other people for granted. I know how it feels to be taken for granted by a person who I loved truly [hello FORMDEV classmates.. ]. What if I continued with my decision to court you when you’re already committed to someone else? I only fight for causes I see just and right. It would also be unfair to your beau, as I am sure that he really cares about you. What would he say if he found out, hmm? I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than court someone who is already in a relationship. I still have my honor and dignity, it is people like you that make the world a living hell.

Forced to look deep in the mirror, face who I really am
Now it’s just me, cause I can’t afford you

We are polar opposites. Plain and simple. This isn’t a fairy tale where the ragged pauper and the lovely princess overcome all odds and live happily ever after. We have a little thing called social stigma. We have an image in our mind of the person who we want to be with the most. With what my sources are telling me, and with what I know about you, it seems that I should be the last man on your list, as you like what the media likes as well, what the media sees and portrays time and again in advertising and television. You want them to be perfect, just like you.

Until all your good looks betrayed you, which ain’t much
Counting on your counterfeit smiles for too long
Your eyes are empty windows: broken
The body may be here, but the soul is gone

There is a reason why I despise entertainment and the media these days. They are so damned focused on the physical appearance of a person that the more important things in life are forgotten. They say that the best things in life are free, and hell they are. This focus on the physical plain has no better manifestation than in you.

I saved my tears for you in a vial
From everything wicked thing that you did, that you said
To send away, buried with your love
So many tears in a vial, now that you’re gone, and now that you’re dead

So screw you, and to think that my luck has finally changed. Off you go into the long line of girls who have screwed me over the years. You’re another reason for me to continue being myself and not giving in to the pressures of popular society.

Text in Italics is a song by Megadeth - Tears In A Vial
hi ke rojiru-sama… peram muna bro.. XD

I am at a loss for words right now. I cannot seem to find the right things to say about how I feel. This is something that rarely happens to me. You are the first person to ever ‘admire’ me. Or at least give the indications that you do. And whaddaya know?? I like you too… But I had the commitment of returning to my past. But now, fate has dealt me a crushing blow, my past doesn’t want me around anymore, and now, it seems that my future is slowly fading to black.

You may seem to wonder why I seem so… cold to all the the signals that you and your friends have been sending me. It’s just it’s not my style to just jump in the bandwagon, even if the feeling is mutual. I want to us to have the proper introduction to each other, I want us to be, first and foremost, friends. And I don’t mean acquaitances friends, I mean friends friends. And it would somehow seem akward if I just all of a sudden out of the damn freakin’ blue would come in and said I liked you and I wanted you to be mine. That would so not be me. Maybe because I don’t know how to court someone… XD And besides, you were the one who gave out first…

But it seems that you have found someone else. OK, put the dunce cap on me while I bite myself to oblivion. I’m so unlucky in these type of things, here someone great, someone special who find something in you that no one else could, and what do you do?

*starts bashing head on keyboard*

Well, whatever the case, even if I’m no longer a contender, no pun intended, I will still tell you how I feel, that’s just how I am.

December 23, 2005, my world would never be the same.

This Christmas we decided to pay a visit to some of our relatives in Bulacan. Having no transportation of our own, we had to commute from Las Piñas to Bulacan. Don’t ask, It was hell. It’s not that I’m not used to commuting such a far distance, but the heat and dust was a pain and the traffic? <bangs head on keyboard>

We were on our way home, and we were in a jeep going to Sta. Cruz, we were supposed to take a shortcut because the main road was becoming congested, and guess what on our ’shortcut’? Traffic so damn still you could beat our jeep to its destination by crawling. WIth this in mind we decided to just walk the rest of the way because Sta. Cruz was just about 2 intersections away.

My sister was trying to keep me in her arm, saying that it’s not safe and we should stay in groups. But I kept shrugging her off, thinking to myself that no one in the right mind would even try.

Very comforting, Einstein, but it would seem that that night there would be two jackasses who would be just that.

Just past the first intersection, was a dimly lit street. I kept myself at the back of the pack, just in case. Halfway into the street, ‘just in case’ became the case indeed.

As I continued to walk down that street, I felt a weak tug at the back of shirt, and finally, the magic words…"WAG KANG PAPALAG."

It was the fastest and most terrifying, and yet the most exhilarting, 60 seconds of my life.

My heart started beating faster, and i pretended not to hear, and he said again, "wag kang papalag", this time I would have none of it. I suddenly turned to face him, he obviously was startled, but what I saw in his hand startled me even more. I ain’t really sure what that was, but it was something shiny and silver.

My intial thought that it was a gun, and I thought to myself that then and there I was going to die. But I will go down in a blaze of glory, I will go down fighting. In the struggle that ensued, I tried to get that gun out of his hand, and try to incapacitate him. But before I could get the gun, he shouted, "YUNG BARIL!", and threw the gun to God knows where. That was the time I realized that the bastard had an accomplice. But since bastard #1 was such a sniper, the gun just made a loud clang, hitting an idle jeep because of the traffic. And guess what? Bastard #2 bolted like a cat, running into the curve, leaving the poor bastard #1 behind.

By this time my aunt had heard the struggle and was helping me restrain bastard #1, it was then I was smelling fresh meat, and performed a submission move called "tazzmission", it’s basically a choke hold. With all my rage and might I tried to choke the living hell out of him, but my aunt told me to let go, and foolishly enough I did, and bastard #1 ran, picking up the gun and following the path that bastard #2 took. I tried to give chase, but my other aunt stopped me, saying that he might come back, and this time, I thought that he would not hesitate to pull the trigger.

Hesitate. Why did he? It was clear that when I turned I was a dead man. In a split second he could’ve pulled the trigger. But he didn’t. Anytime during our struggle, which for me lasted a lifetime, he could’ve pulled the trigger, but still he didn’t.

Was he a noob? Not used to having people fight back? Especially having a 6ft baboon pounce on you? Or was he scared that the people idling in their vehicles might realize what was happening and come and help? Or maybe the gun was fake? But damn that was one heavy, fake gun, that clang on the jeep was really loud, if it was real I guess it was a revolver. Or maybe his gun jammed?

Either way I was shaking in rage and excitement at what happened and explained the events that occurred to my family whilst walking the rest of the way. We didn’t stick around to see what the bystanders’ reactions were, fearing that the bastards might come back.

I got home relatively unscathed except for a scratch from the struggle. In every way I counted myself lucky and blessed. I was supposed to be dead, or dying, or just shot and bleeding to death. Looks like it’s not yet my time. Somebody really loves me Up there. And I thank Him for that. But I am traumatized, only up to the point where when I’m alone at night going home from school, I’m always tense and ready to rumble. But if it happens to me again, I will do exactly what I did that faithful night, fight the good fight.

As they say, Good always triumphs over Evil, if and only if Good fights.

from : http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/columns/junkyard/how_the_heroes_have_fallen.html
Written by: ohmerrymayhem

So I was watching TV the other day. One of the big name music channels, though I won’t say which one, and reading a guitar magazine. My attention was ripped viciously from the magazine by a single note. This sound, which emanated with all the confidence of a seasoned vocalist, from my TV, made me physically hurt.

The name of the band doesn’t matter really. The fact is that there are many other bands out there like this. What was once a spot filled with people who were able, had to be able, to belt it out or at least hit the notes, is now in turn filled with half experienced "vocalists" who would rather rush ahead and go beyond their means. Eschewing many hours of hard and strenuous practice, choosing instead to hawk their half-skills to the most likely paycheck, has become all too common in the once proud world of music.

Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate any contribution to the music community in one way or another. True, these artists are gettin their point across, conveying their heartfelt emotions. Well, some of them are. Others just hide behind the veil of the meaningful.

Or maybe I’m just cynical.

It’s not only singers. Guitarists, once again infatuated with late 80’s shred and thrash, pick and dive bomb beyond their ability. Rather than woodshed for a good amount of time and hone their skills, they run out fool-heartedly to try their hand at the game of speed. Or imitate someone else.

As a metal fan, I was whole-heartedly excited when the likes of Killswitch Engage, Lamb Of God, and Shadows Fall pierced the thick skin of moderately mainstream media. I applauded. As a guitarist myself, it was refreshing to see a group of guys who had ability on their instruments. Arpeggios, pentatonic licks, massive slides and divebombs. They take skill, no matter what we really think of showmanship. While I myself am not an advocate of gratuitous soloing, I can appreciate talent when I hear it.

Much to my chagrin, not even weeks later, the market had been fully saturated with bands who reeked of those three bands.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, true enough. But music is not standard. It is not the norm, the exception, or the rule. Music is the sum of four or five (or more, as Slipknot and numerous Jam Bands have shown us) independant minds that come together, forsaking their one track approach to music in the hopes of creating something more.

In the hopes of creating something new.

Where have our heroes gone, when Metallica hire a group therapist to sort out their arguments? Isn’t a difference of opinions or tastes what sparks great and new things?

Where are the heroes when we can destroy a song that was just barely written at all because we have to play faster without putting in the hours?

Where have our heroes gone when a musicians life has become such a market commodity that there are bands pushed down our throats on TV and Radio, new in one week, and in the next gone just as quickly as they’d swooped in on a fabricated hope?

Where have our heroes gone now? I give you your answer.

Our heroes are in their parents’ basements, in the attics and dingy clubs that stink of piss and beer. They’re in the highschools and colleges. They’re living at home and across oceans.

And they’re waiting, just waiting, to find those other pieces that complement their one piece so well.

In hopes of an agreeance of minds, a meeting of tastes, a glimpse of the fantastic. In search of that one chord that leads to the next, and the next, and the next.

After all, who can better write the music we so desire, need, to hear…

But us ourselves?

*Beautiful article… All you pop & pop rock sell-outs f*** you!!!

Who are you? Who is this person to whom I have such an attachment to? What is it that makes you so damned special?!

Questions to whether my time & affections are well worth it always run through my mind. Sometimes you seem so far away, & sometimes I feel like I’ve known you since we were still in diapers. Yet this connection, this  friendship that we have is in so many ways unique that other people might find it quite… unorthodox… Ü

That’s me, unorthodox. I told you once that I had my own way of doing things. That’s because I’m only doing things the only way I know how. That’s because I’ve never known any other way. Thus how I do things is how I am sincere. I cannot do things in other ways, albeit better for you perhaps, because those ways might compromise who I am, & as much as possible I want to show you my real face. So that you can either reject me or accept me because of who I really am. Not because of some handsome mask that will & forever will be a mask. Not me.(Rhetoric, isn’t it? Ü)

Yet through the maelstroms & calms, you have been with me, even though in spirit, & that’s why I want to be always with you, even though in spirit. I hope I have made myself worthy of you. For with you I realized one of my life’s missions, to make the people I love happy. (AS I TYPE ‘HAPPY’ MY MP3 OF GUNS N ROSES - SWEET CHILD O’ MINE BEGINS TO PLAY, THE PERFECT SONG TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU. COINCIDENCE? MAYBE….)

That’s the reason why I always look out for you. I’m so sorry if I’m overprotective sometimes. But I’ve explained to you the reason why right? If you don’t remember I’ll jog your memory. I’ve been with so many people whom I loved dearly, wanting to be always there for them. Wanting to bear their pain, wanting to put smiles in their faces even if it gave my own face a frown. But due to circumstances well out of my control, I keep on hurting them, losing them even. I always feel helpless, unable to do anything for them when they needed me the most. Whether they realized it or not, I wanted to help them. But I couldn’t. It killed me inside, blaming myself for what happened to them & to our friendship. Until now I feel so helpless. Helpless to many things, but one thing stood out. That paradox we call trends.

Trends that are supposed to facilitate our move forward into the future. As times change trends keep up with that change to let us know that we are in a new age. But sadly, trends have the tendency of dragging us backward when it came to ethics & morality. The misguided sometimes go as far as throwing morals out the window to keep in perfect sync with today’s trends. Sadly it always comes up with grim results. As I said, my dearest friend, they thought they were the trendsetters but it was the other way around, it was the trends who were setting them. Most saddening.

I don’t want that to happen to you. Not anymore. I don’t want to lose anybody whom I love more than life itself anymore.

Maybe you can afford to lose me, having so many people love you, what difference will one man make? But for me, with love having been so elusive, cannot afford to lose one more jewel. The one that counts.

You.

Yes, you.

I don’t know how other people feel about you. But this is how I feel. Frankly this is all that matters to me. This is the driving force that keeps me going through the relentless onslaught of doubts. This is what kept me on giving a damn about you even though we said painful things to each other. This is what keeps me envigorated to be there for you.

Because, simply put, I care.

And if there’s one thing I want you to keep in your heart, it’s that life isn’t a bed of roses. But life is also too beautiful. In fact the troubles we go through in life make it all the more beautiful. Because we get to become better persons, and live life to the fullest, and without regrets. Always remember that.

Oh yeah… I almost forgot to tell you…

That I’ll always be here for you, you know that right?

And also…

I love you. Ü

I always have… And I always will… Ü

While listening to Yngwie Malmsteen’s ‘Arpeggios from Hell’, travelliing the vast expanse of the Internet, a once thought forgotten feeling was reawakened. Anger. Frustration. The desire for mass genocide, just to let it all out. The desire to kill. The demons ravaging my mind must be celebrating, beerfest & all, with their victory. Only one thing can make my blood boil faster than an overcooked cake in the oven. The mere thought of it just wants me to take every weapon in history, fiction and fact, ethereal and substantial, & use it upon that creature with such diabolical efficiency, & love every minute of it.

Just like love, I guess hate cannot be all eliminated from one’s system. All it takes is a catalyst. Something to tick you off. Then boom, it all comes back.

Oh well, screw it. I will not cross the line. No matter how much I pushed to sometimes. I have things too important for me to be troubled by such a nuissance. I will continue to fight my personal demons, inside & out. It can rot in hell for all I care. As for me, life goes on. As it should. Life is too beautiful. Ü

Watch out when I post my newest ambigram!!! I only show this to the public after I’ve given it to the person I’ve intended to give it to. It’s for a classmate in college, there is a clue in my album for whom I’d be giving it to, if you’re sharp enough to catch the recurring theme of my ambigrams… ciao!!! Ü

Hinahanap-hanap ko ang salitang ito kagabi sa ‘di malamang dahilan. Hindi makapag-pahinga ang isipan ko hangga’t ‘di natutumbok ang salitang iyon. Talagang nag-iisip ako tungkol sa maraming bagay bago matulog pero… ngayong gabi… kakaiba… magugulong damdamin ang gasolina. pa… pasa……. ayun natubok rin! Pasatiyempo! Na ang ibig sabihin ay libangan o pampalipas oras. Para sa akin tulad ng PS2, DoTa, Internet, gitara. Natanong ko tuloy sa sarili ko, ang tao kaya? Puwede maging pasatiyempo?

Alam ko ang sagot sa mga isip ninyo. Oo. Kaya ang ibig ninyo sabihin puwede paglaruan ang tao, hanggang sa magsawa ang naglalaro at sabay isasaisantabi ang kawawang nilalang sa isang maalikabok na sulok, kukunin na lang uli pag kailangan, o wala na ibang mapaglaruan. Mga malulupit. Mga walang puso. O nagbubulag-bulagan sa nararamdaman ng iba. Yan ang mga mahilig gawing pasatiyempo ang kapwa niya tao, mas nakalulungkot, minsan kaibigan, kahit pamilya ang gingawang mangmang ng mga mapagsamantala.

May kasabihan, walang pagsasamantalahan kung walang magpapsamantala. Pero matitigas ang ulo ng tao. Patuloy ang pang-uuto at hindi talaga mawala ang nagpapa-uto. Pero bakit? Hula ko ang hindi maipaliwanag na damdamin ng tao ang siyang susi. At maraming iba pang factors na hindi maikakalkula.

Bakit ko isinulat ang ganitong sanaysay? Tulad ng sinabi ko kanina mga magugulo at hindi maipaliwanag damdamin ang nagtutulak sa akin…

…at tsaka wala akong magawa…

…at tsaka gusto ko manggising sa mga nang-uuto at nagpapa-uto jan…

…at kung tatanungin ninyo sa akin…

…Na-uto ka na ba? Pinaglaruan ka na ba? Boy Pasa(tiyempo) ka ba?…

…ang isasagot ko, ‘OO’…

…lahat tayo dumaan, at daraanan yan…

… at merong isang factor na kailanma’y hindi mawawala kung bakit ako, ikaw, at tayong lahat ay mga biktima…

… dahil mahal natin sila…………….

………….makatulog na nga, kanina ko pa hinihintay teks nun eh… U_U..zzzzzz